I write this knowing full well what will happen tomorrow night.
And still I will go out. I will go out way too late. I will come home way too late (or early depending on how much of a morning person you are...).
I will probably indulge in underage alcohol consumption.
I am 18 years old, a first year student, and, for the past two weeks, a social-butterfly of a man-child.
And I'm having the time of my life.
I spent four years in high school with the same friends I had made since sixth grade. I loved those guys, and I still do, but there was definitely a "rut" developing towards the end of our time together.
We went to a small, personal college prep Catholic school (it may have been Episcopalian come to think of it, but that word doesn't play up to the stereotype quite like Catholicism) where everyone knew everyone. My schedule was straight forward: School - homework - bed for 5 days of the week, with little difference on the weekends. After my first two weeks here however... I am shocked at what I've become.
Shocked, but completely okay with it.
This past Tuesday night I came home at 1 A.M. This was an early night. This was THE early night. Since about Thursday last week, I have completely wrecked my sleep schedule and time management skills. I do work before classes now. I haven't seen my room mate beyond walking into his sleepy little face tucked into a nest of blankets and pillows.
Yet School goes okay. I've dealt with quizzes and writing assignments. I've (maybe) studied a tad, but I can't help but feel like this is not what its about. "It" being the shining gates of academia -- A studious four years ending with the presentation of a big-fat-diploma and a "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" kick-in-the-ass out of the main gate. I'm living every stereotype that's ever been portrayed in a low-budget teen comedy.
And hell, it's fucking awesome.
I've met so many people and learned so much about not only myself, but about the way the world works. Cathiscopalean School was fine... but, spending four years in a bubble isn't the way to prepare "kids" for life. I needed to have gotten drunk. I needed to kick someone's ass. I need my own teeth kicked in.
And the next lesson that must be learned is probably (at the risk of sounding like a PBS after school special) the most important of all: priorities. I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to go out, but I've got to learn how to control it.
I can't live on 5 hours of sleep a night. I can't spend this next semester trying to fix what I messed up my first month. My death spiral, which has got to be what this is, needs to end.
I can't be the only one dealing with this...
I know I'm not the only one circling the drain...
In the mean time though, fun is to be had. Tonight, Friday night, Saturday night.
Sleep and rest can come Sunday.
"I'm trying to find a balance, trying to build a balance."
Tring to Find A Balance - Atmosphere
