I write this knowing full well what will happen tomorrow night.
And still I will go out. I will go out way too late. I will come home way too late (or early depending on how much of a morning person you are...).
I will probably indulge in underage alcohol consumption.
I am 18 years old, a first year student, and, for the past two weeks, a social-butterfly of a man-child.
And I'm having the time of my life.
I spent four years in high school with the same friends I had made since sixth grade. I loved those guys, and I still do, but there was definitely a "rut" developing towards the end of our time together.
We went to a small, personal college prep Catholic school (it may have been Episcopalian come to think of it, but that word doesn't play up to the stereotype quite like Catholicism) where everyone knew everyone. My schedule was straight forward: School - homework - bed for 5 days of the week, with little difference on the weekends. After my first two weeks here however... I am shocked at what I've become.
Shocked, but completely okay with it.
This past Tuesday night I came home at 1 A.M. This was an early night. This was THE early night. Since about Thursday last week, I have completely wrecked my sleep schedule and time management skills. I do work before classes now. I haven't seen my room mate beyond walking into his sleepy little face tucked into a nest of blankets and pillows.
Yet School goes okay. I've dealt with quizzes and writing assignments. I've (maybe) studied a tad, but I can't help but feel like this is not what its about. "It" being the shining gates of academia -- A studious four years ending with the presentation of a big-fat-diploma and a "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" kick-in-the-ass out of the main gate. I'm living every stereotype that's ever been portrayed in a low-budget teen comedy.
And hell, it's fucking awesome.
I've met so many people and learned so much about not only myself, but about the way the world works. Cathiscopalean School was fine... but, spending four years in a bubble isn't the way to prepare "kids" for life. I needed to have gotten drunk. I needed to kick someone's ass. I need my own teeth kicked in.
And the next lesson that must be learned is probably (at the risk of sounding like a PBS after school special) the most important of all: priorities. I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to go out, but I've got to learn how to control it.
I can't live on 5 hours of sleep a night. I can't spend this next semester trying to fix what I messed up my first month. My death spiral, which has got to be what this is, needs to end.
I can't be the only one dealing with this...
I know I'm not the only one circling the drain...
In the mean time though, fun is to be had. Tonight, Friday night, Saturday night.
Sleep and rest can come Sunday.
"I'm trying to find a balance, trying to build a balance."
Tring to Find A Balance - Atmosphere
12 comments:
I just wanted to tell you that you are most certainly not alone. The first year of college is really tough, and not because of the school work, but because of the freedom. It's hard to have restraint when there is nothing stopping you from doing whatever the hell you like.
But I am speaking from experience when I say that it won't just correct itself. I spent my freshman year drunk, high, and generally having a great time. And here I am starting all over.
Not everyone gets as out-of-control as I did, but I have an addictive personality, and you might too. Just please, don't make the mistakes I did. Set some boundaries for yourself. And if you start to fall apart in school, don't isolate. Get help.
There is nothing wrong with having fun. Just make sure you can stop whn it stops being fun.
I have definitely experienced the same dilemma. Living in a bubble my whole life, I feel the need to be a little rebellious. Being the only girl in the family, my parents have been “worry warts” and have always been concerned about my well- being. The attention was nice but I am so excited to be off on my own. I want to experience college for what it’s worth. I want to live a little without being told what to do.
I have been going out for several nights in a row. I have been coming home late and waking up late. I never thought going to class would be a hard task. My daily schedule back home completely vanished, and now I struggle to manage my time. I need to understand that drinking and partying every night is not a good habit. The reason I came to college is to get an education and broaden my horizons. I do not want to waste my parent’s money. Instead, I should concentrate on the aspects of education rather than the aspects of the party scene.
So having fun in college is probably the third most important thing to do in college; next to getting an education and finding yourself. But with doing all of those things there is one common ingredient. Time. Something we all as students and just everyday people have to, well "get along with".
Being here for the past two weeks has shown me just how much time is actually in one day, and how I must carefully choose what I will do for the next hour or thirty minutes choosing this is curcial and i must say finding that happy medium will not be easy but it is very possible.
Last but not least give the partying a break for just one week(till friday/saturday night) and you will see a huge difference in your productivity and just how much time you really have.
I'm in the same situation as you, but it isn't because i went to a small school where nothing happened. I went to a small school but we partied and not only on weekends but also on weekdays. I think your in this situation, because when you think about college you don't think about how much fun your going to have studying in the next week. In fact I spent all of senior year thinking about how much more I would party in college. I have spent about two weeks at this school, barely any time actually studying and I am already sick from drinking and lack of sleep. Hopefully evrything is just crazy for the first couple weeks and will settle down once evrybody gets settled in.
The first week here I had the same experience. I went out for 7 nights in a row coming home until about 3 or 4 in the morning. Luckily, this week it hit me and I have never felt as exhausted in my entire life. This made it easier to make the good choice of staying in and going to bed by 11 or 12 and getting my homework finished. I have not felt stressed out since I've been here and that is a pretty rare thing for me. I think it's because this week I was able to get my work done 2 or 1 days in advance, yet I still left Thursday through Saturday night to go out.
I really don't think you have a problem though. I mean, it's the first two weeks of our freshman year in college...it's to be expected. Plus, by the time exams and midterms come around, most people will be in the library all night and there probably will be a lot fewer parties and places to go.
The other comments have a good point when they say there really is a lot of time in the day. If you can just force yourself to get work done in the evening before it gets dark, then you have the option of going out that night without having to stress about getting something done. I think it's best though to make sure you spend more of your week not gonig out and drinking than doing it. Not that I have any experinece yet or anything, but that's just what I feel will work best for me. I totally understand what you're feeling though! Good Luck. I'm sure you'll be fine!
I definately agree with thinkagain. While I am also having fun at college, I am able to set boundaries for myself so that I do not begin going on this "Death Spiral". You may have an addictive personality, but even so I still think that you should be able to have enough self control to slowly destroy your body. Maybe I am wrong and you can not control yourself, and if that is the case you might need someone to look after you so that you don't lose control.
I wouldn't lose control. I can't imagine myself ever missing class or destroying relationships due to this stuff, its just... tough to manage so much so soon.
I completely understand and truly believe that every freshmen is dealing with the whole time management problem. There are going to be amazing/fun parties every night, and sometimes we are all going to have to stay in and miss them for the take of getting good grades. It would be no fun to do poorly first semester and not be able to rush, do summer school or have to repeate the year!
This sounds about right. First two weeks of school have been amazing. I mean we had parties in high school, but nothing compares to what happens in college. I look back at the past few days and everynight has involved getting drunk. Its funny how all those facebook bumpersticker we sent to each other that say things like "enjoy college because after its called alcoholism" or "I enjoy beating the shit out of my liver nightly" are all very true. Is this normal for us to be doing? I feel like we are not alone becuase every night I go out, I see about 100 other people leaving to do the same thing I will be doing. Parties, bars, clubs, its a whole different world after highschool. If you thought you were a badass in highschool, you got another thing coming for you. I'd like to know if its normal for freshman to be drinking as much as we do.
Wait What? What is this? Alcohol? Im 18. The drinking age is 21. Is this a typo? Southern Methodist University is a wonderful place of academia and learning. As I walk the streets of this Garden of Eden, I see all these beautiful, studious faces and I light up with glee. I am finally in a place of education and self-awareness. Don't you?
I must admit though. This place needs structure. You need to go to bed at a good hour. I won't lie I have had times where I go to bed at 6:15 instead of 6:00. I hate myself in the morning, but its the challenges of college.
Mother tells me I need to be more responsible. I agree. Which is why I decided never to leave my dorm. My teachers communicate with me via email and my room mate changed rooms. Its perfect. I am never subject to the warp lifestyles of some of the sinners here at school.
I know what you may be thinking. It must be hard to make friends when you live in your dorm 24/7. It's not! My friends on the world wide web and Arthur, my stuff iguana, are all I will ever need.
But now its time for me to bid adieu. Repent and find God.
GETSOMEYEAH I can understand where you’re coming from about how it’s hard to manage this foreign yet exciting sense of fun. During my high school career I endured the roller coaster ride of my life, where I was raped in every aspect of my life except the physical one. School pounded its heavy sledgehammer against my skull and the drugs and alcohol took its toll on my fatigued body. Death and I achieved homie status, and it seem like a visit from him was inevitable every week. Alas, I barley survived leaving just a few scars, stitches, friends, brain cells, and numerous hazy memories. My only advice to you would be WAYNES WORLD PARTY TIME EXCELLENT!
Seriously get crunk and enjoy it.
I have a similar problem. During high school, I had everything all planned out and was pretty set in my little routine, but since I got to college I have had such a hard time just sitting down and focusing on homework. Luckily I have started planning out my time , so I hope that works!
Post a Comment